Transitions

I've been thinking about this for a while now, and I haven't been writing much lately...probably due to all the thinking! ;)

Our family is in such a transitional period right now. Obviously we have Jamie's new job, Elise starting school, etc. But I feel like there are other transitions taking place that are more beneath the surface and less apparent. For a while now I have started to feel the transition from life with a baby/toddler to life with an older child. All of a sudden I feel like I have time again. Elise is quite self-sufficient (she even showers on her own now!), and I've gained back time that I used to spend on more intense childcare. My house is a lot cleaner, we always have groceries, I am cooking a lot more, the laundry is almost never behind - heck, I have even bought about half the Christmas gifts already! It's nice in many ways, but it's also a bit disconcerting to me. I'm not sure why, but I guess it's because I feel less needed and almost don't know what to do with myself. I was standing in the kitchen earlier tonight while Elise was in the shower. I've already done the grocery shopping for the week. The house is basically clean. All the laundry is done. We had eaten dinner. There was nothing to do. And it was a bad feeling.

I know I should be thankful to be in this place. There have been many times over the past 5 years when I have felt completely frazzled and longed for boredom! But now that I'm getting a slight reprieve, I don't know how to handle it. The thought occurred to me that I should pick up some of my old hobbies again. But my main hobby was working out, and that still doesn't fit back into the schedule very nicely, because I do not like to be gone during Elise's waking hours in the evenings...and I am not liking the idea of working out later at night either because it keeps me awake. Honestly, I work too much to form many hobbies or make many friends outside of work.

I just find myself wandering around the house a lot these days and feeling a bit lost. It scares me a little, because I need to find myself again. Elise is growing and growing, and someday she will move out on her own. Being a mom is a huge part of who I am, but it can't be the only thing I am. At this rate, I am scared to become an empty-nester! Wow, I will really feel lost then.